meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
