ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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