Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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