So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
