I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
