as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
