Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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