just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
