so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
