I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
