i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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