just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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