3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
