...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
