i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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