At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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