just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
