Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
