hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
