Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My vagina just clenched in fear
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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