Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
