Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
