There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
