I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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