Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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