Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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