like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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