I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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