this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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