Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
