U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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