I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you still have your period?
I wish I only lived at night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
