im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
