whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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