Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.