I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
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im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan