I should be sponsored by Trojan
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's never too late to be topless.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.