i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
