I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
