i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
