singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
