Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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