I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
