How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
