i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize