It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
