i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
