plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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