God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
