So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's shark week go big or go home
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
