i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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