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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  humiliate her

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• (850): View more from Florida

  i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.

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  23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things

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• (949): View more from California

  he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  there are ass prints on the hood of my car.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.

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  21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy

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• (914): View more from New York

  Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.

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• (714): View more from California

  But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I need Jameson.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

  (713): View more from Texas

  BURN THE PHONE.

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