using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.