The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it