Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i came on her dog
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
