It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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