I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving