True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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