that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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