Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
