ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
