Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
