i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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