what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
