i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
