my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
