I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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