we made out on top of his cat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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