he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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