remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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