my soul wont recognize me after tonight
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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