In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
