i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
