she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
