a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
